Back Pain Blues

Those of you who have it, know. Back pain ain't no joke. I'm not talking an occasional twinge or a pulled muscle here and there, I'm talking bone deep, crippling, can't move for the pain, can't hardly breathe because it involves moving your back muscles pain, P. A. I. N.

I was a kinda rough and tumble kid. Lived on a farm, so yea, it sorta came with the territory. We had a 17 hand tall Tennessee Walker stallion, and a couple of Welsh ponies that I corrupted and (don't hate me) trained to herd and cut cattle. I only corrupted the ponies, not the stallion. Anyway, I was futzing with the horse one day, and something happened, I don't remember what, and I ended up tumbling backwards off him and got clipped in the back by one of his hooves. Fast forward a few years, and I got thrown while trail riding  because the pony was spooked by a snake, and landed back first on the edge of a stump. Pretty much the same spot. Needless to say, I have issues now because of this.

This brings us to last night. Pretty special night at church. Bishop was visiting from Birmingham, had a deacon from a neighboring city in as well, had dinner all laid out, ready to serve after service. We are all in the sanctuary, starting service, and guess what happens? That's right, my back picked five minutes into service to decide to go out. Realistically speaking, I should have known this was coming. I'd been having flare-ups for over a week now. And I knew that standing for too long was going to be a mistake. But I don't like people knowing I have issues, so I was pretending it was all OKAY. HA! My back made sure everyone knew I wasn't okay. Five minutes into service, my back went out and I basically fell onto the pew. I stayed there for the whole service. I'm pretty much the youngest person that was there tonight, and I was by far in the worst physical shape of everyone.

Service over, time to move to fellowship hall. I manage, with dad's help, to stand up, he's helping me to the door where the bishop is standing with his staff. I jokingly ask if I can borrow it, and he lets me. I was grateful but so embarrassed at the same time. How sad is it that I had to ask to borrow an ornamental (but thankfully substantial) staff from the visiting BISHOP to walk 20 feet??

So please, don't belittle people who say they have serious back pain even though they don't show it very often. It's real, and it's crippling. It's no fun. I wish I didn't have it. It's also why I don't go out much. My back goes out enough for me.

The Oxford Comma

The Oxford Comma. Such a small thing. So tiny. So seemingly insignificant. Ever so the bane of my existence. One could even say a pain in my, umm, Oxford.

What is it, exactly, you ask? I'm so glad you asked. Let me demonstrate for you. The Oxford Comma, or OC as I've come to call it, is the comma that is present before the conjunction (like the word and, but, or) when you are making a list of things. To demonstrate the usage: This, That, and the Other. It's the comma after "that" and before "and".

Why is it so hideous to me? Well, it's like this. I was taught to NOT use the Oxford Comma. From literally grammar school on (pardon the pun), I was instructed to write without it. Even up through my master's degree, it was eschewed by my instructors, one and all. Learning to use it has been difficult, to say the least. Now I find myself questioning where to put it and if it is in fact needed in places where it isn't needed. Life is so much simpler when you don't have to worry about it.

It shouldn't be so difficult to learn to use it properly, really. After all, it's just a comma. Here's an example as to why it's important to use it.


But it's the principle of the thing. I spent over 12 years writing things that were graded on not only content but correct grammar and punctuation and never ONCE was I ever dinged for not using it. It's kinda hard to UNlearn that overnight. In fact, I will go ahead and say it's downright impossible to unlearn it overnight.

Fortunately, I have an amazing editor who understands my issue with the OC and for the most part laughs at my trips and stumbles over using the stupid thing as she journeys with me through the pages of my world. Now if I had a hero in shining armor that could ride up on his white horse and slay the dragon that is the OC for me, my life would be perfect.

Hmm, maybe that could be a new story line. Characters that come to the writer's rescue by doing away with grammar and punctuation rules that foil the writer....

#southernfamilytiesbooks

Smashing Pumpkins (no not the band)

I love this time of year. I'm not the typical love EVERYTHING PUMPKIN SPICE OMG girl that you see made fun of on Facebook (lets face it, most of them do deserve to be made fun of). But I do love fresh pumpkin. I buy pumpkins to decorate - not carve - for Halloween because I can cut them up and render them down and make them into something special. I've found that I don't like canned pumpkin. Something to do with the preservatives they put in it, no doubt. I've found that one fair sized pumpkin can be rendered down and made into about 15 or so cups of pumpkin puree, after it's properly strained down that is.

So what do I do with the pumpkin puree? I'm glad you asked. Here's some of the top things to make with it. Pumpkin bread, pumpkin pie, pumpkin cake, pumpkin pancakes, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin cake rolls, pumpkin muffins. Yea, I have a lot of pumpkin recipes. I'll even share some of them with you.

Pumpkin bread

• 3 cups sugar
• 1 cup cooking oil
• 4 eggs
• 3 1/3 cups all purpose flour
• 2 tsp baking soda
• 1 1/2 tsp salt
• 1 tsp ground cinnamon
• 1 tsp ground nutmeg
• 1/2 cup water, depending on how watery your puree is
• 2 cups pumpkin
• 1/2 cup raisins, dusted in flour to keep from sinking to bottom of pan while baking  
  
  Pre-heat oven to 350*. Spray your baking pan, I use a loaf pan, either full sized of minis so everyone gets their own personal bread. 
  Mix sugar and oil, add eggs. Sift dry ingredients together, add to egg mixture. Add in pumpkin. Like I said, it will depend on how watery your puree is as to how much water you will need. You want it loose, but not soupy. Think cake batter. Fold in raisins (you can add nuts if you want.)
  Spoon into pan(s), bake for 55 minutes or until toothpick inserted in center comes out clean. I usually bake for 55 minutes, turn the heat off and let it 'coast' in the oven til it's done.
  When finished you can serve as it, or you can put a nice glaze on the top of it. For an extra kick of flavor, there are pumpkin spice chips you can buy this time of year, and can sprinkle on the top of the loaf while it's still warm, then spread with a knife once they melt. You can also put them on top of the loaf while it's 'coasting' in the oven.
  
  Enjoy!
  #southernfamilytiesbooks 

Things that don't mix

In life, you learn things that work together. Peanut butter and jelly. Hamburgers and fries. Friends and good times. Some of these things are natural, some are surprising but in a good way. Some are not such a good match. Like oil and water, kerosene and a lit match, any fuel and a lit match for that matter. Other things are really not conducive to productivity. Like muscle relaxers and authors.

Muscle relaxers are wonderful things, if used appropriately and according to directions. I am not in any way advocating drug use. But, when you have a pulled muscle or a bulging disk that hurts so bad that you can barely move, you have to break down, jump the mental hurdle you have against using a drug, and just do it. And do it I did. Those who know me, know that I don't like taking medicine. I find most of it to be disgusting (tasting anyway), and the side effects, while sometimes humorous, are nearly always inconvenient.

I tend to get loopy when I first take a muscle relaxer, and then I inevitably go to sleep. Sleep is the best healer I've found. Granted there are times that I need to get up and move so that I don't get stove up, sleep is still by far the best healer there is. The WHEN that muscle relaxers causes the sleep on the other hand, is really, really inconvenient. Like today. I had a ride arranged and was supposed to go up to the DMV and get my license updated (I got divorced and I get to take my maiden name back YAY), and the muscle relaxer did its job, and I fell out lol. The person taking me up there could NOT for the love of anything, get me to wake up. Completely missed the DMV today. Guess I'll have to go Monday. But at least I was smart enough to not try to drive after I took it. 

Other areas that they don't work so well include, but are not limited to: writing, cooking, cleaning, walking, talking, of course driving, you know the typical areas where you need to pay attention. These could result in things that you don't really want to have happen, happening. Kinda like getting drunk in Vegas and meeting someone that you think is sooooo cool when you are drunk and you figure it's a great idea to get married, and then you wake up the next day, married to a stranger. Not that that has ever happened to me...

#southernfamilytiesbooks

Learning (anti)Social Media - part 2

Learning social media is not fun. Certain aspects of it are, like games you can play and keeping up with friends and family. But other things are not fun. Like trying to figure out how to link it all together so that you have one central hub you can go to and do everything from. It just doesn't work that way. Or if it does, I don't know how to do it. Which isn't surprising.
I'd rather be writing.
I don't mean blogs, I mean my books. They are sweet, simple creatures, they pretty much do what I want them to do, provide me with an escape to another world, a world not complicated by electronics and media. Oh how I long for the days gone by when I didn't have to know how to use social media. But those days are past.
I'd rather be writing.
I must say though, all this has given me a new appreciation for the works of Chaucer and Shakespeare and Milton and Dumas and all the other authors who slaved away with quill and ink pot, in poor candle light, scratching their ideas onto parchment paper, no erasers, no back space key, not copy and paste feature. Can you imagine the things they could have done with a modern word processing program at their disposal? How many works died with them because they didn't have the time to write them all out, longhand, for the world to enjoy before they died? They endured the heat of summer and the cold of winter, choked on smoke from chimneys, freezing their fingers and hands, just to struggle to give birth to their book babies. We don't go through that anymore. We take for granted the multi-watt light bulbs that burn so brightly over head (sometimes next to head depending on the location of the lamp), the fans and central heat and air that keep us comfortable day and night. The on-demand music that plays without our having to do anything more than push a button or ask Siri to play a song or play list.
I'd rather be writing.
Here I sit, in my cushioned chair (no, I still haven't bought a desk chair), in the air conditioning (yes, it's October and some people are having their first snow, but I live in Alabama, about the only time we see snow is if the satellite goes out), enjoying my playlist on my ear buds while my fingers dance across the keyboard, writing at speeds the greats could only dream of.
I guess I should stop complaining and get back to writing now.

#southernfamilytiesbooks

Controling your characters HA

I don't know if all authors experience this, but I know this is a daily struggle for me. I am not in control of my characters. They tell me what to write. And if I try to force them to do something, it never works out well. It's like writing down the daily activities of a group of toddlers. I've had more than one person tell me, "You're the author, you tell them what to do". To which I usually smile and laugh a little. They clearly have no clue what it's like to be an author.
You live with other people in your head. People who invariably tell you exactly what you need to know at the worst possible times, like just before you go to sleep, when you are in the shower, or driving, or somewhere else so completely inconvenient for you to write it down that it's impossible. You don't control your characters, they control you.
It's useless to explain this to others, though. And although you hear 'voices', you know you aren't crazy, and professionals know you aren't crazy, but to everyone else, it's questionable how sane you are. Personally, I've found my characters to be better company than most people I know. I know they aren't real, but they are nicer than a lot of people, more polite and while sometimes pushy, for the most part patient.
I am somewhat concerned though. A couple of my male characters are concerned about my love life, or lack there of. To the point where they are giving me advice on how to attract and keep a man. This worries me. lol
#soouthernfamilytiesbooks

My dog is a junkie...

My dog is spastic. I'm sure most pet owners can relate to that. I have recently discovered that she is a junkie. We painted the house recently, 5 rooms. While we were painting, of course, you have the paint trays sitting on the floor, paint cans open, that wonderful get-you-high smell wafting from both, even with the windows open and a fan going to reduce it. The silly thing would sit there, stick her nose into the paint can, inhale deeply, get some paint on her nose, and eat it. After we caught her doing it, we would lock her in a different room while we painted, cause, well, we TRY to be responsible pet owners. But she's a junkie. Seriously. She would bark and howl and whine because she could smell that we were painting, but we weren't letting her eat the paint to get high. Silly dog. I need to send her to doggie rehab. Is there a such thing?

Now, I wonder if the latex paint didn't give her brain damage. I know we rearranged the house, upsetting her somewhat since it's been forever since we moved furniture around. We got rid of a lot of junk, which I'm grateful for because I live with some major pack-rats. This was also upsetting to the dog. Now, she thinks she's a vulture. She will walk around things, and I don't mean just a detour, I mean vulture-circling-the-dead walk around things, her nails clicking on the hardwood floor, for HOURS. Drives me mad. I will call her name and she will stop, cock her head to the side and look at me. I tell her to go lay down, she sniffs at me, then proceeds to walk the other way. Every once in a while, she will think she has found something, likely a water bug or some such, and will pounce like a cat on whatever it is. She thinks the empty 12-pack drink boxes are great fun. And I have to confess, I mess with her mind by nudging them when she's close by to make her think something is in them. She hasn't caught on yet, lol.

#southernfamilytiesbooks

Book cover revealed!!

Here it is, friends! The cover of my book baby, my love, my passion for the past, ummm nm you don't need to know how long I slaved over this, lol. But seriously, isn't it beautiful? My book baby has a face, and a name. She's lovely. And going on sale soon!

This has been a labor of love to get to where I am. I wanted to throw in the towel several times, but in the end, my fabulous publisher, editor and all the other people I've been working with, not to mention my family and significant other, wouldn't let me. Most of all, Emma herself wouldn't let me. After all, if she has to fight to keep her father from putting her in a mental hospital to take her money from her, the least I could do is tell her story for her, right?

Love, lies, & luck. Kathleen Eyke's 'Family Fortune' releases November 15th.
All links: http://books2read.com/familyfortune
Add to TBR: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/31374983
#southernfamilytiesbooks

Learning (anti)Social Media

I'm no tech-geek. It's no secret among my friends and family that really, potatoes are more electronically inclined than I am since if you stick a meter reader in them, you will read an electrical charge. Me, not so much. My friend Mikey is trying to teach me how to work social media, and really, I feel kinda sorry for him. It'd be easier all around if I could just write the posts and let him do the rest, but he's being stubborn and is convinced that I can learn it, if I'd just apply myself.
How, exactly, does one 'apply yourself'? Seriously. I know I need to learn it, but it's like there is this short circuit between my ears and my brain when it comes to this stuff. I really think that once my brain finds out that there is a technology lesson going on, it screams "abort, abort! take cover! Incoming!!" and runs and hides. I can hear what he's saying. I even can nod and say, yea, sure, uh huh. It doesn't make it into the brain though. Not really. It doesn't help that the dog sits next to me, stares at the screen, looks at him and then looks at me like, "Okay, I get it, why don't you?" Infuriating pooch. She needs to stick to imitating a cat, with her pouncing on boxes. But at least she likes my book.

#southernfamilytiesbooks

Of dogs and doctors...

My dog, Peanut Butter, has been up my mmhmm for the past week. Guess she knows that I'm nervous. Went to the doctor the other day for my regular checkup. I think the day I went was the the day for blood pressure issues. One lady fell out in the lobby because her BP fell too low. RN took my BP and it was really high, but  had just seen someone fall out in the lobby. BP for the RN was somewhere around 173/94? RN was alarmed and I almost ended up on a different BP med.
Took almost TWO HOURS of me sitting in the room to get completely seen. Had to do a blood test for my A1c (it improved, yay!). By the time I finally got to the end of the visit, the PA came in and was like, well we are worried about your blood pressure because it's so high.
Me: well she used the smaller cuff so that's probably why
PA: that shouldn't have made a difference, considering how tone your arms are.
Me: it always has before. I have to have the large cuff or it reads high.
PA: ok, well let's just use what we have here (which happened to be the larger cuff)
      (bp taken, comes out as 112/82)
PA:oh, well it's down. It must be because we rushed you back here earlier and you had seen someone fall out in the lobby earlier
Me: or because the RN used the smaller cuff and I told her I need the large one.
PA: I don't understand why you would need the larger cuff, your arms are so tone.
Me: yea, people always tell me that I don't have a fat person's arms or legs (thinking to myself, you are basically telling me the same thing)
PA: (shocked look on face), people actually tell you that?
Me: yep, all the time
PA: do they think it's a compliment or something? Oh my gosh
Me, laughing: I guess so, I don't know

Mind you, she's this little slim trim young thing, I'm almost 40 and have a lot of padding for the upcoming winter months. I could stand to lose about 80 to 100 lbs. But I really don't have a fat person's arms or legs.

#southernfamilytiesbooks